“Still Bill”

My cousin William is a parapelegic. I was helping his return some Christmas gifts last weekend when Batty Al sees us in the store. He sees William in his wheel chair and starts calling him “Still Bill”. Then he slaps him on the back and says, “Bottom any chairs lately, Still Bill?”, then throws his head back and laughs like a mad man. What is the deal with this guy?

I Don’t Even Live “Down The Road”

I’m halfway across town. Al always comes over unannonced and starts asking weird questions. Just the other day I was putting away my groceries and Batty Al asked where I had been. I said, “Obviously the grocery store.” But he just wouldn’t get the hint and go away. 

Then he starts asking weird questions like, “Did you hear cows when you where by the milk?” and “Did the produce mister remind you of a rain storm? It does me!”

I don’t know what the hell he was talking about. Does he think the toilet paper section smells like poo or something? You always expect him to finish his comments with a loud, “Yuck, yuck, yuck!”

He followed me in the house while I’m putting away the groceries. H he noticed my artificial Christmas tree in the corner and asked me where I had cut it down from and slaps me on the back real hard. Geesh, what a goon. Why doesn’t this guy leave me a lone. I hear he’s been writing stories about me, too.

I’ve Never Just “Stopped By”

Ok, first of all, I don’t just “stop by”. I call before I come over. And I rarely do that. It’s Al that keeps coming by my place. He comes over takes in a few cheap shots at me, then writes about it for the southern Minny Buzz. And the way he writes! You would think that I speak in nothing but a series of non sequiturs.  Anyone hearing just his side of things would think that I was insane.

It’s been particularily hard recently because of the holidays. The holidays always me me depressed. And on top of that, I’ve recently lost my job at the spice factory. And Al just makes light of it. He said it was just “Seasonal Work” and laughed at me. Well, it’s not funny. I could lose my house!